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By Nishwa Emaan
ISLAMABAD, Aug 24 (APP):: The joint family system, long a cornerstone of Pakistani life, is now at a crossroads. Across cities and villages alike, modern mothers are choosing independence and personal space, while traditionalists emphasize the emotional support and shared responsibilities that come with living together. Yet, the debate remains far from settled. Economic pressures, safety concerns, and the rising cost of living make the decision complex and deeply personal. Both sides present strong arguments, reflecting the challenges and changing realities families face today.
Social media, too, is abuzz with this debate. From TikTok to parenting forums, voices clash over values, expectations, and lived experiences. One pointed comment that remains widely discussed is: “Why do moms, who once asked for separate homes when their kids were young, now expect their married children to live in joint families?” It raises a difficult question about consistency, responsibility, and the evolving definition of family—one that continues to stir emotions online and off.
Take Sana, a marketing professional and mother of two, who recently moved with her husband, Omar, into a modest apartment away from his extended family. “It wasn’t a rebellion,” she says. “It was a decision about space—emotional, physical, and mental.” Like many women today, Sana balances motherhood and career, choosing independence not to reject tradition but as a necessity for well-being.
“I wanted freedom, privacy, independence, and no interference in my decisions,” Sana says. “At the same time, I wasn’t trying to disrespect traditions, I just needed space to be myself.” Omar held a different view. “Family unity, caring for elders, and living together were sacred to me,” he said. Both shared how they navigated the complexities of married life, balancing tradition with personal boundaries and autonomy.
Their journey, full of long conversations and compromises, reflects a broader shift across Pakistan. The couple carved out a lifestyle honoring both their identities, upholding traditions they loved while allowing room for modern values, especially personal freedom and equality.
Their story is not unique. Across Pakistan, the joint family system, once society’s backbone, is quietly giving way to nuclear households. Experts and citizens say this change is driven not only by economic pressures but also by shifting social values, especially couples’ growing need, for autonomy, space, and shared power.
Maulana Hafiz Muhammad Yasir Attari told this news agency that while Islam does not impose a specific family structure, it promotes values like unity, kindness, and mutual care. “Serving parents is a duty shared by sons and daughters. If all children earn, emotional and financial responsibilities must be divided fairly,” he said. “Islam teaches justice and compassion, not burdening any one individual.”
Dr. Azam Raza Tabassum, an educationist, noted how the absence of joint families affects emotional well-being. “In smaller families, especially when both spouses work, pressure builds. There’s no backup system. Fatigue and loneliness creep in,” he said. He emphasized joint families once served as emotional anchors, where children learned values and adults shared responsibilities.
Nazia Mubashar, a housewife, fondly recalled how life was easier when families lived together. “Elders helped with children, household work, and offered emotional support. It wasn’t just chores; it was about love, togetherness, and never feeling alone.”
Sabeela Mushtaq, another homemaker, acknowledged that while joint families provide support, modern women often feel restricted. “Today, women want freedom, to work, make choices, and have their own space. That’s hard to manage in traditional joint setups. Many are choosing smaller, independent homes.”
Muhammad Siddique, a grandfather, reflected on the emotional aspect of this change. “We come from a time when parents made decisions. Now, children want independence, and they deserve it. We should guide them with love, not force,” he said. “Criticism pushes them away; encouragement brings them closer.”
Beyond emotions, urbanization, rising costs, and career mobility have made nuclear living more practical. The influence of digital life and social media means real-life family interactions often take a backseat.
Among immigrant communities in the West, joint families still offer emotional support, shared expenses, and cultural preservation. Yet, even there, younger generations feel confined by lack of privacy or outdated rules—a tension now unfolding in Pakistani cities.
In a nutshell, the joint family system isn’t dying—it’s evolving. As people, especially women, take on new roles, family life must adapt. What matters now is not who lives under one roof, but how well families stay connected—with respect, freedom, and love at the center.